Musings for the New Year

I chose to be a mother and I feel that I had a pretty realistic outlook about what it entailed. At the beginning, a lack of sleep, feeling like a lactation machine, joy, frustration, surprise and incredible milestones. As I find myself in the preschool years, I feel as though maybe I was short-sighted.

I will preface all that is said from this point on with the following statement: I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN ANYONE OR ANYTHING ON THIS PLANET.

I realized that there would be sacrifices of time, space and self. I was unprepared for it to be all encompassing. As a self-proclaimed night owl, affectionately challenge, space loving person, with a mildly addictive personality, I struggle with the constant chatter, albeit cute, incessant. The total invasion of personal space is getting me down. Does anyone else have a daughter that is perpetually touching their nipples? Using your body as a wonderland? Okay if it was John Maher, I would go for it, but seriously, Sprout, PERSONAL SPACE.

My mom has always told me to never wish any phase away, as it all goes by so quickly, but somehow I feel that I can offer so much more when the problems go beyond having water on your shirt, or the wrong shaped noodles. Got a boy in your life being an a-hole, we'll talk. Unsure of what to wear, call your Aunt Shannon or Tara.

Oh yeah, by the way, I stay at home with a 4 year old, and I watch my brother's 16 month old kid 4 days a week, about 10 hours a day. I envy, sometimes, my working friends. Most of them get to have adult conversations AND go to the bathroom alone. They savor the moments they get to spend in their own home, shower regularly, enjoy adult conversation. But do they miss milestones? Do the nuances of everyday life escape them? Are they more rounded because of it? How most of us never get to experience the other person's shoes, maybe this is a way to relate.

OK enough with the bitching, although you may see this as a common thread throughout future blogs, be it known that my purpose is twofold. One purpose selfish and the other as sort of a public service announcement. I need to talk about things, much to my husband's chagrin. I will try and keep him out of it as much as possible. But I find, as a lifelong journalist, in that I keep journals, not that I am out reporting for National Geographic, that I go a little nutty if I don't express myself. I also believe that I cannot be the only one that feels this way. Some people may think it taboo to make motherhood out to be anything other than a blessing, which quite often it is, I just feel that that is not reality. So I hope to offer others a place to bitch and moan at will. It is reassuring not to be alone.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year. I'll let you know the results of my colonoscopy next week. Haha, always too much information. xoxox Dani