I got my period today. For many of you that may seem like a mundane duoduel occurrence. For me a ticket to freedom. I have been pissing and moaning for some time now that I am in serious need of a vacation. For many folks who have children this yearly rite of passage conjures images of Disneyworld, family friendly resorts, etc...for me it entails white sand beaches, swim up bars and 7 blissful days of alone time. Thanks to a long lost life insurance policy taken out by overly pragmatic parents I will be spending a week baking in the caribbean sun sipping on highly alcoholic beverages and smoking illicit drugs on a white sand beach. I am counting the days...Have I mentioned that it has been SEVEN years since I have been on a vacation.
Now vacation means different things to different people. For me it means not worrying about a god damn thing. No one asking me for anything, needing me to do anything. Pure mindlessness....so in essence this means going on vacation sans child and husband. I will be basking in the company of my brother and in-laws.
Do I feel badly leaving Sprout at home...no. I think that the week she will spend with her father will not only bring their relationship closer together and form concrete bonds, it will also give Daddy a true idea of what Mommy deals with all day everyday. So come January I will bid them adieu and come home in a much more amiable state of mind and who knows, maybe junior will find a way into our lives after all.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Retention
My husband and I are extremely anal expulsive. It is for this reason I am at a complete loss when I try to figure our where my finicky daughter came from. Was she planted by aliens? Did she hatch from an egg? She is quite literally anal retentive, in that she will not shit for 6 days at a clip. Not only is she poop challenged, everything is an issue.
Today we went to the beach. It is a beautiful, dry, warm spring day. Just right for looking for shells to add to our collection. Upon arrival at the beach, I am informed that it is too sunny. Walking along the beach yielded protests of it being too sandy. Well that was fun. We left after 15 minutes.
The previous day, Sprout had left her doll carriage in the backyard. I told her to go get. Most children would gleefully kick up their heels and run out and collect their toy, not my child. Why? Because she was shoeless and would have to walk across the grass.
Holy hell! I deal with issues all day long...There is water on my shirt, my hands are wet, those are the wrong color snacks. I feel as though the fun of her youth is being sucked out of her from all of these grievances. I sure as hell know its sucking the fun from me.
Today we went to the beach. It is a beautiful, dry, warm spring day. Just right for looking for shells to add to our collection. Upon arrival at the beach, I am informed that it is too sunny. Walking along the beach yielded protests of it being too sandy. Well that was fun. We left after 15 minutes.
The previous day, Sprout had left her doll carriage in the backyard. I told her to go get. Most children would gleefully kick up their heels and run out and collect their toy, not my child. Why? Because she was shoeless and would have to walk across the grass.
Holy hell! I deal with issues all day long...There is water on my shirt, my hands are wet, those are the wrong color snacks. I feel as though the fun of her youth is being sucked out of her from all of these grievances. I sure as hell know its sucking the fun from me.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
To Procreate or Not to Procreate
So I am really on the fence about having another kid. I find myself questioning my ability to divide what little of myself is left into further pieces. Is there any more left to give?
I see my life verging in two different directions with the choice of having one and having two and its the debate over which path will bring peace and contentment to everyone involved. Hmmm, let's see. Pro's and Cons? Feel free to chime in if you have a viewpoint I may have overlooked.
PRO?
i probably would have been a markedly different person if I grew up as an only child and I am sure more different yet if I was the older sibling in a duo. I can say that being a younger sibling has been both a pleasure and a pain. My dear brother beat the crap out of me mentally and physically, but he also took me to my first keg party and even made sure I got home alive... I always find it ironic, that 2 people living in the same house at the same time with the same parents can have such a completely different life experiences. So I guess the question is will Sprout be better off with a sibling or without. I have to give this a big BETTER WITH. I love my Brother and when the parents become invalids, he will be just as responsible :) But, fuck I have the attic...
PRO?
The age difference... if I was to get preggers tomorrow, would be 5 years. So Sprout would be in Kindergarten, holy hell, when did that happen? And the new one, we shall call it the new one, although it may be a whole lot of fun to have a boy, although my girl is super cool. Either way, the fact that I can imagine the little guy/girl in our lives must mean something. I would love to add to this mix. If they were any closer in age I might need to be in an institution. Although as I spoke with an old friend, I realized that had they been closer together they could now entertain each other as opposed to fight constantly over what ever play thing the other is holding. Maybe 5 years is too much time in between....ahhhhh!
CON
I feel as though I should enter a pie chart here. The division of myself. If I was to break it down hourly per day. I wake at 7:30 and between that hour and the 8 O'clock pm hour give or take an hour, I have zero time or space to myself. I go to the bathroom and children are there. If the kids are not jockeying for my attention or my personal space they are asking for something to eat, something to entertain them, encompassing every moment of time. This time overlaps with hubby time. If I am lucky I may get 2 hours alone. Perhaps some people would say this is an abundance of time, but for me it is overwhelming.
I could go on and I am sure I will, but my bed beckons, an hour later than usual, since sprout was not interested in going to bed before nine and someone needed their back scratched. I will probably read for an hour and fall asleep only to be awoken 6 hours later by the angelic sounds of "Mommy, I'm awake" :/
I see my life verging in two different directions with the choice of having one and having two and its the debate over which path will bring peace and contentment to everyone involved. Hmmm, let's see. Pro's and Cons? Feel free to chime in if you have a viewpoint I may have overlooked.
PRO?
i probably would have been a markedly different person if I grew up as an only child and I am sure more different yet if I was the older sibling in a duo. I can say that being a younger sibling has been both a pleasure and a pain. My dear brother beat the crap out of me mentally and physically, but he also took me to my first keg party and even made sure I got home alive... I always find it ironic, that 2 people living in the same house at the same time with the same parents can have such a completely different life experiences. So I guess the question is will Sprout be better off with a sibling or without. I have to give this a big BETTER WITH. I love my Brother and when the parents become invalids, he will be just as responsible :) But, fuck I have the attic...
PRO?
The age difference... if I was to get preggers tomorrow, would be 5 years. So Sprout would be in Kindergarten, holy hell, when did that happen? And the new one, we shall call it the new one, although it may be a whole lot of fun to have a boy, although my girl is super cool. Either way, the fact that I can imagine the little guy/girl in our lives must mean something. I would love to add to this mix. If they were any closer in age I might need to be in an institution. Although as I spoke with an old friend, I realized that had they been closer together they could now entertain each other as opposed to fight constantly over what ever play thing the other is holding. Maybe 5 years is too much time in between....ahhhhh!
CON
I feel as though I should enter a pie chart here. The division of myself. If I was to break it down hourly per day. I wake at 7:30 and between that hour and the 8 O'clock pm hour give or take an hour, I have zero time or space to myself. I go to the bathroom and children are there. If the kids are not jockeying for my attention or my personal space they are asking for something to eat, something to entertain them, encompassing every moment of time. This time overlaps with hubby time. If I am lucky I may get 2 hours alone. Perhaps some people would say this is an abundance of time, but for me it is overwhelming.
I could go on and I am sure I will, but my bed beckons, an hour later than usual, since sprout was not interested in going to bed before nine and someone needed their back scratched. I will probably read for an hour and fall asleep only to be awoken 6 hours later by the angelic sounds of "Mommy, I'm awake" :/
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Devil Wears Carters
The one thing that drives me the most insane on a daily basis is the unrelenting barrage of whining. Every word all day long is pronounced in a tone akin to a firetruck siren. "IIIIII'mmmmmm awwwwwake." "I don't want thaaaaat to eat", "your hands are weeeeeeett" I know that I am contributing to this behavior in some way. I suppose that I should just tune it out, ignore it. Have you ever tried ignoring having bamboo shoots jammed under your fingernails?
All the experts say to be consistent. Do these same professionals have an RX pad readily available for the high dose of valium I might need in order to cope with this fluency in whinese?
We have tried to illustrate to sprout just how annoying this whining is..."I don't waaaaaannnnnt to pay the bills", Whhhhhhhhy do I have to go to wooooooork" "Whhaaaaaaat do you waaaaannnnnt for dinnnnnnner"
I am hoping this is a stage and I will continue to repeat my mantra of "Love them the most when they are the least lovable" God Speed.
All the experts say to be consistent. Do these same professionals have an RX pad readily available for the high dose of valium I might need in order to cope with this fluency in whinese?
We have tried to illustrate to sprout just how annoying this whining is..."I don't waaaaaannnnnt to pay the bills", Whhhhhhhhy do I have to go to wooooooork" "Whhaaaaaaat do you waaaaannnnnt for dinnnnnnner"
I am hoping this is a stage and I will continue to repeat my mantra of "Love them the most when they are the least lovable" God Speed.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Peanuts VS. Walnuts
I think I have neglected to mention that aside from my own certifiable nut I am responsible for a smaller and even crazier nut. My brother and sister-in-law both work full-time. They have left their darling off-spring in my care. We shall call her peanut. Peanut came into my care at 4 months of age. She is now 20 months old and basically I would describe her as a bull in a china shop. Incredibly dexterous and equally intelligent she gives me a bigger run for my money than my own. Combine the two and it is like napalm. Everyday from 7:30am until 5:30 pm the two nuts are fighting, hugging, laughing, crying and generally making me laugh and simultaneously sending me to an early grave.
I think both of them are far better off for the experience of growing up together. They are learning to share, the importance of family and what it like to have a sibling. They love each other and drive each other crazy.
I am learning what it is like to have 2 children and wonder if adding one of my own might throw me over the edge. Along with the added stress of simply managing two children physically come the challenges of meeting both of these kids needs emotionally. Do I favor my own? Am I too hard on peanut because she not mine and a little nutty? Does she get enough love and guidance while here? Will she think back fondly on her time with "mama", I mean auntie? So instead of wrestling with the normal am I being a good mother guestions I am now saddled with Am I a good Aunt questions.
Where is my wine?
I think both of them are far better off for the experience of growing up together. They are learning to share, the importance of family and what it like to have a sibling. They love each other and drive each other crazy.
I am learning what it is like to have 2 children and wonder if adding one of my own might throw me over the edge. Along with the added stress of simply managing two children physically come the challenges of meeting both of these kids needs emotionally. Do I favor my own? Am I too hard on peanut because she not mine and a little nutty? Does she get enough love and guidance while here? Will she think back fondly on her time with "mama", I mean auntie? So instead of wrestling with the normal am I being a good mother guestions I am now saddled with Am I a good Aunt questions.
Where is my wine?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Dog Days
I have a dog. I love her. She is going to be 13. I have had her since she was 10 weeks old. As someone against puppy mills and pet stores, I have to admit that is where our relationship began. My only excuse, I knew no better. When I first met her at 8 weeks, she suffered from a dastardly case of kennel cough that left me heartbroken and in love. I had to save this poor pup from her meager existence at "puppy love". Nearly 13 years later Molly experiences occasional bouts of incontinence, a horrible case of allergies and a serious sense of entitlement. In her golden years I want the best for her and to indulge certain behaviors, yet I find myself taxed by her non-human needs. After all I have 2 small children and a demanding husband sucking the life from me...uh, I mean, loving me. I am guilty.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Now and Then
March 17, 1992
I wake with a yawn and a stretch at the ungodly hour of 7 am running on fumes from the night before. Quickly I shower, not really understanding why, since the day is sure to be wrought with foul odors and spilled beer. It is St. Patrick's Day in Oneonta, NY. I am in a race against the clock. I throw on heavy boots and a giant wool sweater, you know the ones that smell like sheep and are seen in abundance at Dead shows. There is 2 feet of snow on the ground. Quickly I locate the whereabouts of my illegal identification that says that I am 21 and hit the road. It is very important to get in line for General Clinton's Pub, but 7:30am, to ensure that you are one of the lucky recipients of their annual St. Patty Day T-shirts. The line is 50 people strong....
March 17, 2011
I wake with a growl and a stretch at the ungodly hour of 7am to a small voice exclaiming that. "Mommy, I am awake." Wiping the sleep from my eye I begin my Groundhog Day existence of doing the same thing I did yesterday. Today I decide that maybe I will actually shower since my hair is beginning to hurt. I toast some waffles, cut up some fruit and feed the animals waiting for their meal. Several minutes later I am wiping someone's butt and refereeing the latest dispute over anything and everything. Lunch is served and thankfully it is a school day. I drop Sprout for her meager 3 hour hiatus and return shortly to retrieve her. I make a small detour at the liquor store on the way home for some beers (they are sold out of cold Guinness) Get home and pop one open. Fuck - it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Happy St. Pat's 2 Me.
I wake with a yawn and a stretch at the ungodly hour of 7 am running on fumes from the night before. Quickly I shower, not really understanding why, since the day is sure to be wrought with foul odors and spilled beer. It is St. Patrick's Day in Oneonta, NY. I am in a race against the clock. I throw on heavy boots and a giant wool sweater, you know the ones that smell like sheep and are seen in abundance at Dead shows. There is 2 feet of snow on the ground. Quickly I locate the whereabouts of my illegal identification that says that I am 21 and hit the road. It is very important to get in line for General Clinton's Pub, but 7:30am, to ensure that you are one of the lucky recipients of their annual St. Patty Day T-shirts. The line is 50 people strong....
March 17, 2011
I wake with a growl and a stretch at the ungodly hour of 7am to a small voice exclaiming that. "Mommy, I am awake." Wiping the sleep from my eye I begin my Groundhog Day existence of doing the same thing I did yesterday. Today I decide that maybe I will actually shower since my hair is beginning to hurt. I toast some waffles, cut up some fruit and feed the animals waiting for their meal. Several minutes later I am wiping someone's butt and refereeing the latest dispute over anything and everything. Lunch is served and thankfully it is a school day. I drop Sprout for her meager 3 hour hiatus and return shortly to retrieve her. I make a small detour at the liquor store on the way home for some beers (they are sold out of cold Guinness) Get home and pop one open. Fuck - it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Happy St. Pat's 2 Me.
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